The Ego…
14 octubre, '19
It took me a while to take and accept this
picture… “this angle, ugh… maybe this other one… hmm… maybe if I take the color
away and darken it up a bit… ok, I can live with this one…”
It took me even longer to write these
words…
For years I wanted to be invisible… I was
just too different.
Then being different became interesting…
Later on, wanting to make a difference for
myself and others came to be my work and my life…
I know my ego leads me to compare myself,
which I use to either connect or separate from others.
I can hear the subtle story in my head: Am
I doing enough? Am I enough?
I know it’s “just” a story I tell myself.
Yet, some days, the story has more power
than others… so, I’ve learned to sit with it in meditation (awareness) identifying
with the Self, while working on fully accepting my different aspects: my ego,
my story, my emotions and my body.
As I reflect on my life, I can see how far
I’ve come…
I can recognize the effectiveness of my
practice, through the results of how I think and feel about my own aspects and
others around me.
I no longer feel like escaping life as I
once did… though I do question if what I’m doing is good enough… But that’s
just a story in my head that leads me to dive deeper into my personal dynamics.
Maybe one day I’ll just seek physical
refuge in a mountain or a monastery to uncover my mind in a deeper way.
Though for now, I am here… I am part of
society… and I open up to be seen.
Rodolfo Carrillo M.
